Love.

Here's a bombshell for you: Art and I have never celebrated Valentine's Day.

In 10 years, we just never really have. Originally it was my idea. 10 years ago, Art and I had just begun dating, and I didn't like the pressure the day put on people, men especially, to go over the top with candy and flowers and balloons and whatnot. It just seemed very obligatory to me, so I told him we could ditch the holiday and make every day romantic instead. And we have.

I'm really not a "romantic" person at all. Sure, I like surprises and gestures and flowers and all that (everybody does), but that isn't the measure of love for me. I don't believe in soul mates or "the" one. Every time I say this to my mother, she makes a face like, "Ohmygod, I divorced your father and therefore scarred you for life, it's all my fault, how do I fix this, here, have some wine." But it's not in a bitter way. It may very well be because I have seen many examples, just from my parents alone, of marriages and relationships that work and don't work. I do have a pretty good idea of what a good marriage looks like and what a bad one looks like.

Therefore, I'm a bit of a realist. Love is a choice. Marriage is a choice. Period. Actions and consequences. Simple. You can fall in love and marry just about anyone. However, to make it last, you've got to make the decision every day to forgive, forget, and nurture. It's not easy, especially since humans are designed to look out for number one. It's not intuitive to bypass your own feelings to think about what another person is feeling and needs, but that's what marriage calls you to do literally every time you open your mouth or do any act that affects your spouse. And if you can do that, really really do that, I think it's a hell of a lot more romantic than roses or fancy dinners out or whatever other crazy things people are doing these days. So, we bypass this day.

There are several reasons that I choose not to broadcast the inner intimacies of my marriage, whether on the blog, on Facebook, or even in conversation with others. First, modesty, naturally. (Which goes completely out the window after a few too many of that wine I mentioned earlier, but that's a whole other post!) The other reason is that I want a life, a secret life, that only one other person knows about. I want to know that we have a little inside joke that no one else is a part of. So I married my very best friend since childhood, and there is honestly nothing about me that he doesn't know. He's been by my side through almost every major event of my life, and there's something very sacred about that. So, there are a few parts of our relationships that are just between us, and always will be.

Art once confessed that one of his biggest hangups to marriage was realizing that all he had worked for his whole life, financially speaking, was now in someone else's hands. The leap of faith was huge for him to trust that I would not be irresponsible with all that he has saved and invested, and in fact I would be a contributing partner rather than a drain. Now, I would never do that, but he didn't have any proof of that. He had to trust. This spreads across all aspects of a person--finances, emotions, mentality, everything. It's a big deal. And, not to get all misogynistic, but it's a big deal for me to trust that I will have a husband that will provide for me. I live in a beautiful home, I'm about to have another (less) beautiful (but with potential!) home, I own a nice, capable truck, I own a BOAT, even if I have no idea how to drive it, and I have had many rich experiences that add to my full life. Provided for? Try SPOILED.

I thank God and my husband every day for the amazing life I have. So, I don't get roses and pretentious gifts and a big public display of affection. What I do get, today and every other day, is much more romantic.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope you spend it with someone who loves you madly. :)

 Circa 2002. Man, do we look young. On an unrelated note, that is my hair's natural color!