Teaching causes bipolar disorder. I'm certain of it.

Yesterday, I was looking at jobs in Abilene in just about everything BUT teaching. This is for several reasons, not the least of which is that sometimes I feel burned out. I'm sure every teacher has felt this way, especially the first few years, but sometimes I can't help but think that I do NOT get paid enough for all the garbage I go through during the day. Not to mention all the work I bring home, whether it's actual papers or emotional work. It takes a lot away from my ability to fulfill my obligations to my family, and I hate that. And I can't imagine what it would be like if my husband wasn't so independent (HE packs MY lunch every day, for goodness sake) and we had mini Bulls. Sometimes I dream about a job where I get to work from home. People make money sewing, quilting, crafting, and blogging... so why can't I? I dream of that life.

And then days like today happen. Today, my district gave me the day out of my classroom to observe other teachers with my mentor, Brenda. Because I'm certified 4th through 12th grade, we went to the Freshman campus for first period. (Yes, our school has a totally separate building just for 9th grade!) I consider myself a smart person, but for some reason it didn't dawn on me that the students currently in 9th grade were in 8th grade last year, and, therefore, my former students.

I saw them. A LOT of them. For those of you that don't remember my first year as clearly as I do, I went home crying a lot. My kids were bad. Disrespectful, sleepy, truant, lazy, insubordinate... you name it. I wasn't that great either, and that was probably part of the problem. But anyway, I would not have ever imagined that so many of them would run up to me with mile-wide smiles on their faces, telling me that they miss me and they are so excited to see me. Even the student that my mom lovingly referred to has "The Boy with the Hippo" gave me a hug. Last year I never would have believed that could ever happen.

After that emotional roller coaster, I got to see a lot of classrooms that are different from mine and get some good ideas for how to better manage my class. It is so nice, every once in a while, to get a break from teaching and do some of the other stuff, like planning, that we are required to do but not really given any time to do it. Brenda watched me teach my toughest class and had some good feedback for me as well. All in all, it was a very good day, and a good way to break up the monotony.

Then, from 5-7 we had Open House, and I got to meet some of my kids' families, which is always so awesome. I wish more of my parents had shown up, but it was so nice getting to tell my parents how much I love their kids, because of course the only parents to come to open house are the ones with great kids.

So, I guess, there are good days and bad days, just like everything else. I'm not sure if I'll teach forever or not, but in the midst of all the craziness and the stress, it was so nice to have a day to recharge. And see my kiddos from last year. :)

In the words of my philosopher husband: "Would you just decide already if you like your job or not?!"

Yes. No. Yes. No. Yesno. Yesnoyesnoyesnoyesnoyesno.

Is that so hard to understand??